Red Hot Chili Peppers fans like me were delighted when the band announced in December 2019 that John Frusciante rejoined the group. After two fairly underwhelming Josh-Klinghoffer-era records, many fans are looking forward to the idea of a Chili’s album for the first time in years. As there won’t be an official Stadium Arcadium 15th Anniversary edition, when will we hear from RHCP next?
The COVID-19 pandemic has undoubtedly made us wait, but there’s expectation that a new album is on the way. Unbelievably, the last album from this line-up, Stadium Arcadium (2006), was now 15 years ago.
Californication (1999) and By The Way (2002) were solid records. But for fans waiting for the band to really reach the heights of Blood Sugar Sex Magik again, Stadium Arcadium was underwhelming and quite possibly the weakest album the band had managed with this line-up.
Stadium Arcadium undoubtedly suffered from one major issue; it was bloated. Marketed as an ambitious, 28-track double album, it was exciting to have so much music from this legendary band. But looking back as the album turns 15, it’s become tempting to wonder how Stadium Arcadium would have fared if the filler were purged.
The Stadium Arcadium challenge
So how good could Stadium Arcadium have been? What if it were half the length? Would it have gone down as another classic? Or would it actually not make sense as a slimmed down version? I’ve enlisted the help of Guy is a Guitarist – the only other hardcore RHCP fan I can trust with this task – to come up a slimline Stadium Arcadium.
There are only three rules;
- Whittle down the standard 28 tracks to 14, halving the album. No bonus tracks or b-sides allowed.
- We can’t re-write history, so we also have to include all five singles that were released from the record; Dani California, Tell Me Baby, Snow (Hey Oh), Desecration Smile and Hump de Bump.
- Although Charlie has a music video, it’s not a single, so it doesn’t have to be included.
Let’s see if we can’t come up with a Stadium Arcadium 15th Anniversary classic. Watch below or read on to find out how we got on.
The easy pickings
Let’s start with the real chaff. The song’s Guy and I can easily live without…
Martin’s easy picks
Charlie
I feel like this could be my controversial pick for the round but I always felt my enjoyment of this album go down a notch once I got to track 3.
Slow Cheetah
“Slow Cheetah come and bore me tearless!” It’s dull filler but at least it goes somewhere.
Torture Me
One way you can torture me to include this in your final fourteen with sincerity.
Strip My Mind
What is that backing vocal hook doing and why?!
Hey
Hey! Get this trite filler off this album! What even is this? Some cotton wool version of This Velvet Glove?
If
My least favourite song on this album. Deleting the masters for this in early 2006 is in my top 5 ‘Things to do with a time machine’ list.
Animal Bar
This tune was dull and uninteresting before Anthony start talking utter nonsense all over the of of it. Has a pretty good B section but I skipped it weeks before that section kicks in.
Guy’s easy picks
Torture Me
Feels like a By the Way b-side. It does have a banging solo but you can’t keep a song because of a good solo.
Especially in Michigan
It’s classic Americana bullshit, where they just sing about America and namecheck things in America.
C’mon Girl
All I’m going to say in this one, is C’mon Girl, is Right on Time.
If
It’s Red Hot Mumford and Sons. What is it doing on this album?
Make You Feel Better
It’s just like Two Princes, that song from the 90s.
21st Century
They’re trying to be like modernists and sign about the future.
So Much I
It feels like one of their live jams got recorded and Anthony Kiedis has gone “WORDS” over the top.
The tough calls
There’s still some fat to trim and we’ll have to start knocking off songs we actually rather like…
Martin’s tough calls
So Much I
Rattly noisy fun, but it just doesn’t make the cut for me. Probably would have made it if we were keeping 20 or so tracks.
Make You Feel Better
See, ‘So Much I’.
She Looks To Me
The lesson here is routine key changes are not a substitute for song writing.
Hard to Concentrate
Why do both Jupiter and Mars go down a gear at track three? At least this one is hard to cut.
C’mon Girl
Flea has stamina on this track and I get the bass part ratings on this track but the last thirty seconds of this track isn’t enough to save it.
Warlocks
Not an easy cut, I think it’s a proper Chili’s funk rock tune but if I leave this in I have to cut 21st Century and I can’t do that.
Wet Sand
This was the toughest call. I could happily cut one of the singles to keep this in. Especially in Michigan or She’s Only 18 were in contention to occupy this spot but I couldn’t cut them.
Guy’s tough calls
Hey
We’re in agreement on this. It definitely nicks a melody from somewhere on Californication.
Warlocks
It’s a bop, but what on earth is this song about? It feels like a college band doing an assignment to sound like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Animal Bar
It feels like I’m walking around a petting zoo. It’s the Red Hot Strokes.
Turn It Again
I haven’t cut it because I don’t like, but it’s Uplift Mofo Party Plan. Fine, but it doesn’t belong on this album.
Storm in a Teacup
For the same reason as Turn It Again, it sounds like RHCP ‘doing’ Uplift Mofo Party Plan.
Readymade
Californication + Cowbell.
Hard to Concentrate
Shagger Kiedis being a soft boy, he just wants to impress some woman with his song.
Our Stadium Arcadium 15th Anniversary editions
So what are we left with and how will these hit albums play out?
Martin’s Diet Stadium Arcadium
- Dani California
- Tell Me Baby
- 21st Century
- Desecration Smile
- Snow (Hey Oh)
- Readymade
- Especially in Michigan
- Stadium Arcadium
- Hump de Bump
- She’s Only 18
- Storm in a Teacup
- We Believe
- Turn It Again
- Death of a Martian
List to Martin’s Diet Stadium Arcadium 15th Anniversary edition on Spotify or on YouTube.
Guy’s Lite Stadum Arcadium
- Dani California
- Snow (Hey Oh)
- Charlie
- Stadium Arcadium
- Hump de Bump
- She’s Only 18
- Slow Cheetah
- Strip My Mind
- Wet Sand
- Desecration Smile
- Tell Me Baby
- She Looks to Me
- We Believe
- Death of a Martian
List to Guy’s Lite Stadium Arcadium 15th Anniversary edition on Spotify or on YouTube.
The verdict
So how did we do? Is one of these slimmed down Stadium Arcadium 15th Anniversary editions the real deal? A classic up there with Blood Sugar Sex Magik? Try it for yourself and show us your alternatives.